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 Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling

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Jv100

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PostSubject: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:33 pm

[Note: This is a copy and paste of a thread I had originally posted in the group "Writer's Corner." I thought, considering it's good reception there, you guys might enjoy this. I must warn you, however, this thread is not for the spineless. Some of you may find this stuff, rather, um, disgusting. All of this is for fun, and nobody was hurt in the process, so I don't see anything wrong with what I'm doing. Enjoy!]

Hello, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jerry, but you can call me JV. Other names I may or may not go by include Senior Scrotie, Dr. Jigglesberry, or Steven. One thing you should know about me is that I've got, well, a rather sick mind. I think a variety of thoughts that, while most would find disgusting, I find hilarious. So I turned it into something even more hilarious. I take advantage of Yahoo's feature called "Yahoo! Answers" by asking questions that are so bizarre only idiots would believe them. And they do....

So, without further ado, here is my collection. Some of these are written under different accounts, but all of them are written by me. Enjoy!

Quote :
What should I do if my cat got into my pixie-sticks?

When I went to look under my bed, where I keep my pixie-sticks, I found my cat staring right at me. His eyes are bulging red and wide, unblinking. If I make any sudden movements he starts making an odd gurgling/hissing noise and does a sharp motion as if he's going to pounce. Occasionally he'll have random spasms in which he thrusts himself against the walls and attaches himself to the ceiling fan, hissing and spitting, white foam pouring out of his mouth. Not only that but he keeps pooping everywhere, stepping in it, and then rolling around on my bed which just spreads it all over my clean sheets and pillows. While this was happening he somehow managed to knock over my pet rabbit's cage and proceeded to sodomize the frightened creature until it was bleeding out it's -blam!-. I think it's dead now. As I write this he is consuming his own discharge. What should I do?

Original link: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aj7Ot9WMrIorqYvoUMIWGSDty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20110218011511AA1qeuJ


Quote :
Is it bad if I'm sharting blood?

Okay, so part of a normal day for me involves a quick stop at McDonalds on my way to work. Every single day I always order the exact same thing A Big Mac, a large fry, and a medium soda. For some reason, after I'm finished with my meal, I randomly shart large quantities of blood. There is actually so much blood that it manages to leak its way through my underwear and down the legs of my pants. It's become a regular habit of mine to pack an extra pair of underwear and pants to change into when I get to the office. So I want to know, is this bad for my health? I really don't mind cleaning up the blood; as long as I can continue to eat at McDonalds every day.

Original link: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AkF9s8QDKwgMrFpvK1.GFEnsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20110216183201AAS2Ax3

Quote :
What should I do? My friend's cat is choking?

This is going to sound crazy, but I guess I'll start from the beginning. I am 17 years old, and earlier tonight my friends and I were skateboarding near the park. Even though I was grounded, I decided to sneak out and have some fun. I was attempting a very risky and dangerous stunt and let's just say it failed. I landed directly on the hard, splintery, crudely crafted nose of my skateboard which opened a fissure roughly the size of Adrian Brody's nose right inside my -blam!-. This is easily the most painful experience I have ever had and a large amount of blood is streaming like a river right out my bum. The worst part is, whenever I fart, it forms large bubbles of blood which pop and release little droplets all over the place. I am absolutely terrified to poop.

Instead of going home, where I would be grounded even further, my friend took me to his place and let me use his bathroom. After draining out a few towels with blood, most of the bleeding had stopped, but I wanted to get rid of the blood deep inside my -blam!-. I took some q-tips and gently rubbed my open wound until no more blood was coming out. This is where I need help. My friend's cat came into the bathroom and decided it was a good idea to swallow my blood-soaked q-tips. He's choking and making very loud, annoying, gurgling sounds that won't stop. He refused to shut up and I didn't want my friend hearing so I turned on the blow dryer to hopefully cover up the sound. What should I do?

Original link: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Alym3g9a0wd8Czq_lDW9Dubty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20110219155452AAFnjvF

Quote :
Any tips on how to take a care of a parakeet?

So my good friend is going away for the weekend and needs someone to watch over his pregnant parakeet, Karen, and make sure that no harm comes to her. He asked me to do this for him and I assured him that nothing would touch a feather on Karen's pregnant body. The day came when my friend had gone, and my instructions were to go over to his house at three to feed and play with his parakeet. As soon as I opened the cage, the bird went absolutely insane, flying right past me and proceeding to poop all over the furniture. If this wasn't enough, when I tried to stop this crazy animal it turned hostile attempting to pull the hair out of my head. I gave it a quick punch right in the belly before scrambling into the kitchen.

The bird followed, springing itself towards me. This time, after having my eyes clawed at, she made the mistake of trying to attack my -blam!-. Pulling down my pants to reveal my dick, Karen realized she had met her match. She thrust herself directly at my Johnson, attaching her pair of talons to my testicles, and then repeatedly pecking away at the tip of my dick. Don't ask me why, but this was a turn on. I went hard right into the parakeet's face, sending her flying off backwards away from -blam!-. This time she came back, only angrier. She attacked the tip of my -blam!-, pecking and pushing it up and down and up and down. That's when I saw it. The most miraculous, largest, creamiest looking piece of semen flew in an arch directly towards Karen the pregnant parakeet's stunned face, sticking to her feathers and oozing down her body. She stopped all movement, a look of absolute parakeet horror upon her face, and lay inert on the floor. Suddenly, she started squirming, and one single egg was ejected out of her body before she gave up and died. Miraculously, the baby broke free from its captivity, and being a newborn, was obviously hungry. It moved its feeble little legs and inched its way towards its mother, devouring all the wet and creamy semen I had so elegantly painted across her body. I placed the baby inside Karen's cage; I didn't really think she would still be hungry. Does anybody have any good tips for round two tomorrow?

Original link: [question deleted]

Quote :
How do I get my dog to stop doing this?

Whenever I go "number two" my dog always knows, and repeatedly thrusts himself against my bathroom door until the lock can't hold anymore. Although I am sitting on the toilet he uses all of his force and sticks his head inside, gulping and slurping down dirty water and scraps of my poop. The worst part is if I stand up he slaps his tongue right inside my -blam!- and proceeds to lick up whatever is left. His teeth also manage to get stuck inside my bum hair and it's very painful having to rip free from his grasp. What should I do?


Original link: [question deleted]

Quote :
Should I apologize to my school janitor?

So earlier today I was in Science class when my friend, Jimmy, who has projectile vomiting, puked inside the gerbil cage and all over the floor surrounding it. After Jimmy managed to kill the gerbils and their babies, my teacher sent me to go pick up a mop from the Janitor's closet. The door was open, so I took a small peak inside to see if he was there. On his desk I noticed a large bottle labeled '-blam!- lube.'

What I saw next horrified me.

In the center of his office was a greased up pole, and the janitor was squatting down next to it, butt naked. His brow was dripping with sweat as he made slow, pleasureful moans, repeatedly rubbing his lubed up *** as fast as he could up and down the bent object. Noticing the carpet surrounding him was wet and sticky, I almost puked. Don't ask me how he got a pole in his office, must have been a deal with the principal or something, but I don't think I want to know.

Right when I was about to leave, he stopped me, staring directly into my eyes. The janitor was simply squatting there motionless, unblinking. He stayed like that for about 5 seconds. Then suddenly, without warning, he got onto his feet, and put his hands on his hips. Dripping with sweat and wielding an ungodly *****, he winked at me, smiling as he motioned for me to come closer. Needless to say, I grabbed what I needed, slammed the door and ran as fast as I could back to Science. I didn't tell the teacher, but I told my closest friends. As it turns out, Jimmy experienced a similar encounter involving a deer carcass and a razor blade, one of the main reasons he can't stop puking. But now, I need to know, should I return to his office and apologize for taking his mop without asking?

Original link: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110220134029AAthd2B

Well, that's all for now. I've got plenty more, some I haven't published yet, but I'm going to take a break. Depending on people's reactions to this, I'll be updating frequently. Cheerio then.
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:44 pm

That's just awesome XD
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:51 pm

Also, yes, I am aware that these pieces of writing seem to focus mainly on the subject of animals. This is mostly due to the fact that animals simply get the best reaction out of people, and are easy to manipulate. Just thought I'd throw that out there before people notice.
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Mon Feb 21, 2011 10:59 pm

lololoololoololololo lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Tue Feb 22, 2011 4:36 pm

You have too much free time.
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Tue Feb 22, 2011 8:53 pm

Yes. Yes I do.
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Tue Feb 22, 2011 10:17 pm

Jv100 wrote:
Yes. Yes I do.

Quite true... You should do some more...
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Wed Feb 23, 2011 4:03 am

Parakeet and janitor were the most disturbing. End of janitor was the funniest part of the whole set.
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Wed Feb 23, 2011 8:19 pm

Teh puma didn't even know it was possible to troll on that website. 0.0
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Wed Feb 23, 2011 8:20 pm

Teh puma wrote:
Teh puma didn't even know it was possible to troll on that website. 0.0
I've seen it happen often, actually.

The internet isn't a safe place.
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Wed Feb 23, 2011 8:21 pm

Apparently not. What would be really awesome, is if someone pulled off the most epic troll ever, and troll the world... It would have to be someone famous though... and it'd have to be through twitter...
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Wed Feb 23, 2011 8:24 pm

Teh puma wrote:
Apparently not. What would be really awesome, is if someone pulled off the most epic troll ever, and troll the world... It would have to be someone famous though.
There's a fellow who did so. His name is Jesus.

But I should put my Religious views aside, that's breaking our own rules.

*Zapzap09 has been banned from the forums by Zapzap09.*
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Wed Feb 23, 2011 8:27 pm

lol zap. Teh puma means modern age people! XD
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Wed Feb 23, 2011 8:28 pm

Teh puma wrote:
lol zap. Teh puma means modern age people! XD
Fred Phelps?
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Wed Feb 23, 2011 8:30 pm

When did he troll the world?
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Wed Feb 23, 2011 8:42 pm

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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Wed Feb 23, 2011 8:45 pm

By jeebus... Those people....Teh puma is at a lost for words right now...
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Thu Feb 24, 2011 9:26 pm

Well, there was that one guy that broadcast over radio that aliens were invading and trolled the US at some point.
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Thu Feb 24, 2011 9:54 pm

Wow, what a pimp
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PostSubject: Re: Yahoo! Answers -- JV's Archive of Trolling   Thu Feb 24, 2011 9:58 pm

BadCompany Brik wrote:
Well, there was that one guy that broadcast over radio that aliens were invading and trolled the US at some point.

But that wasn't intentional, that was a complete accident.
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